How Yoga can Transform Negative Emotions and Maternal Stress

Motherhood is full of conflicting emotions—joy, fierce love, deep connection, and gratitude co-existing with guilt, fear, loneliness and resentment. These light and shadow emotions are natural given the wonders, responsibilities and challenges of motherhood, however it can feel as though we aren’t allowed to acknowledge our shadow emotions. Social pressure can make us feel that if we admit to anger, boredom, frustration or being unfulfilled then we must be bad mothers.

It is often easier and more socially acceptable for us to “stuff down” our shadow emotions, only for them to bubble up in snapping, yelling, disconnection, guilt, shame or self-criticism. The repression of emotions isn’t good for us or our children—when we repress shadow emotions it impacts our ability to feel the light emotions too, blunting our overall emotional responsiveness. I talk to many mothers who have difficulty sleeping and relaxing and who have lost connection with what brings them joy. Their stress levels are high and they aren’t enjoying their lives or their children as much as they could. To top it off they then experience guilt for not appreciating all that they have.

Yoga can help us spend more of our lives experiencing the light, positive emotions by giving us healthy ways of dealing with their shadow side. It enables us to recognize our humanity with compassion, to see ourselves clearly and teaches that it is our duty to take care of ourselves. Yoga recognizes that we need to allow ourselves to safely experience our emotions, whether shadow or light, in order to learn from them and let them move through us. From there we are guided to choose healthier patterns of thinking and self-care.

Many of our negative emotions come from being stressed and overwhelmed. Yoga has a vast number of practices that regulate our nervous systems and bring us back to balance, where it is easier to access a more positive, hopeful outlook and emotions e.g.:

• The physical poses, or asana, get us out of our heads and into our bodies, regulate our energy, and improve our physical and mental strength and flexibility.

• Breathing techniques, or pranayama, can down regulate our nervous systems, activating the “rest and digest” response.

• Relaxation techniques teach our bodies and minds to let go of tension.

• Meditation calms and focuses the mind, and teaches us that we are more than our thoughts which are transient.

We can alleviate stress through yoga practices but if we keep doing the things that cause us stress then it will keep arising. Yoga guides us to stop creating stress in the first place—to recognise the situations and people in our lives that are causing it and seek to make positive changes, for example reducing activities that are depleting, or developing healthy boundaries and routines. 

Even more impactfully, yoga can help us remove stress at its root— the mind. Yogic wisdom provides a path to reframe the way we think so that we can reduce our suffering. There is an ancient saying that “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” —we can’t completely avoid difficulties in life (pain) but we can choose to add to it (suffering) or not by our mindset and response to the difficulty. Unhelpful beliefs and thoughts often create our suffering. Yoga gives us the opportunity to reframe our thoughts and beliefs to meet reality with more neutrality, clarity and compassion.

The first time I really understood this teaching was during my yoga teacher training. My stepson was going through a difficult period and had just lost his job. I immediately panicked and started trying to find him a new one. This was despite the fact he was 21 and was living in a different country. I was very stressed about it and shared my worries with my mentor. Her response has stayed with me: she simply asked me why I was doing that and suggested that I might be disempowering him with my actions. On reflection I realized that I was catastrophizing what would happen if he didn’t find work quickly and that I had a belief that it was somehow my responsibility to sort it out. I chose a healthier belief that it wasn’t my responsibility to fix him or the situation, and chose to have faith in him to follow his own path rather than the path I thought he should be taking. I felt lighter, calmer and more able to support him and my husband as we navigated this challenge.

Yoga’s wisdom and practices are intended to move us to a state of deeper connection with ourselves, our children and each other. A place where we cease to be buffeted by our pre-conceptions, biases and assumptions. In transforming our stress and shadow emotions we are more able to be present and open to the wonders of our children and our lives. We have more capacity to appreciate the child in front of us rather than be distracted by our resentments and spiraling thoughts.

Yoga therapists are guides to help you make positive holistic change that is tailored to your needs, including how to help transform negative emotions and stress. Please reach out to me to find out more about how yoga therapy could help you personally.